


[When You] Try So Hard

by Zoe13



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-11-24
Packaged: 2018-02-21 12:05:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2467697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe13/pseuds/Zoe13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael's family is poor. They're not starving, but he's working late nights after school and caring for his sister while his mom works. He's got no friends and the stress is pushing down on him harder and harder.</p><p>There's a boy who comes into the coffee shop sometimes, though, whose smile brightens Michael's day just a little bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Michael tugged down his sleeve before he picked up the coffee cup and set it on the counter.

"Here's your frappuccino," he told the older woman, forcing a half smile that nowhere near reached his eyes. She left without a word and Michael pulled his science textbook out and began power reading. 

The bell above the door rang and he sighed, closing the book.

Blue eyes smiled at him as a boy approached the counter, and Michael's smile was still small but more genuine.

"Hey!" He greeted. "Same as always?"

The boy smiled shyly and nodded, so Michael set to work on the hot chocolate.

"Ho-how was your day?" The boy asked quietly. 

Michael wasn't surprised. Every time the boy came in, he ordered the same hot chocolate, asked Michael one question, smiled widely at him, and then left. He came in a fair amount of times but there was no pattern to it.

"It was fine," Michael said like always, because _fine_ was a code word for some people that meant _absolute shit but I can't say that._

He handed the boy his hot chocolate and received a wide smile along with the money for the drink. 

"Have a nice day," he called after the boy, and the boy called out a cheery _you too_ before exiting the shop. 

Michael pulled out his textbook again and smiled, even though he was having trouble deciphering what he was reading. 

_______

It was two in the morning and Michael's back ached. He had a crick in his neck and his wrist hurt from writing. He hadn't had time to work on much of his homework until he'd gotten home at eight, and he was ready to cry in frustration at it. 

He threw down his pen and leaned back against his headboard, massaging his temples as his head throbbed. Everyone was pressuring him to figure out a career, but he had no idea what to do. His mom couldn't afford college for him and his grades weren't bad but they weren't fantastic either. His future didn't look like anything more than random jobs with shitty pay, and he wanted to help get his sister through college when she grew up. 

There was a soft knock on his door and a child's voice called his name.

"Michael? Mikey?"

"Come in, Daisy," he called. The door opened and his sister padded across the floor, the feet of her too-big footsie pajamas flopping. 

"I miss daddy," she said, clutching her teddy bear.

Michael wanted to laugh. Six years ago his parents had decided to have another child to see if it would help their marriage. It hadn't. When Daisy was three, their dad had hit their mom in front of them and thirteen year old Michael had tried to defend her. He got a mocking laugh and two broken ribs, but his dad had left and never come back. 

Daisy didn't remember that, though. She'd been so young. She only had vague memories of their father trying to be affectionate toward her before he gave up. 

"C'mon, then," Michael said, scooting over. "You can sleep with me."

Her big grey eyes smiled at him and he rolled his own, pulling her up and moving his books into his nightstand. He'd finished anyway.

"Sing me to sleep!" Daisy ordered, bouncing on the bed. 

"Lay down then, Jitterbug," Michael teased, and she scooted under the covers. "What should I sing?"

"Sing the lights song!"

"Fix You?" Mchael asked with a laugh.

"Whatever." She stuck her tongue out at him. 

" _When you try your best but you don't succeed.._." Michael smoothed her light brown hair down and turned out the light, wrapping an arm around her. " _When you get what you want but not what you need_..."

Daisy's raspy little kid voice joined his on the chorus, fading in and out as she forgot or remembered words. " _Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones._.."

She'd drifted off to sleep by the third time the chorus came around, but Michael kept singing softly, a few tears finding their way down his face.

"... _and I will try to fix you_."

_______

Michael's eyes kept fighting to close as he sat in his English class. Daisy had thrashed around in her sleep and he'd barely slept all night. He looked like a wreck and there were three new lines on his wrist.

He'd turned in all of his homework, thankfully, but he didn't know how well he'd done it. His teachers were easy on him, he knew that, and he figured they knew more then he'd told them about his situation. 

"The person sitting next to you will be your partner for the rest of class. You're going to take a little time to ask your partner questions about themselves, and well discuss it in class tomorrow. If you know who you're sitting with, switch with someone else."

Nearly everyone got up and moved. Mchael had been alone, but a boy plopped into the seat next to him with a smile. He recognized him from the soccer team.

"Hey, I'm Calum."

"I'm Michael."

"Nice to meet you! I'll just tell you some things, then? And then you can tell me some."

"Sure," Michael mumbled tiredly. He rubbed at his face and then gripped his wrist to wake himself up. The pressure on the cuts helped clear his head a bit and he sat back to listen, blocking out the low roar of all the other students talking.

"Well, my last name is Hood, I play soccer, I love punk rock, I'm okay at school, and I play guitar and bass."

"Technically they're both guitars," Michael pointed out. Then he waned to slap himself. This kid was being super nice by pairing up with him and he was pointing out a simple mistake that was so common it didn't even count as one.

Calum just laughed, though, and it didn't seem at all fake. "I actually have to explain that to people sometimes. So how about you?" 

Michael didn't really know how to talk about himself. "Um...my last name is Clifford, I also like punk rock, I have a little sister, and I work in the stupid coffee shop about a block away."

"Oh, I go there sometimes! It's nice and quiet."

Michael couldn't imagine that Calum liked quiet for too long.

"It's alright, I guess."

"Times up!" The English teacher called. "We're running late, so just check your syllabus for your homework assignment."

Mchael checked his watch and then flew out of his seat, shoving his books in his bag. 

"Sorry, I've gotta go. It was great to meet you!"

Calum waved and then Michael ran out. He was going to be late to pick Daisy up. It was 4:15 and he usually got there at 4:05. It was a five minute walk from his school, so he threw his bag over his shoulder and ran down the sidewalk, dodging out of people's way.

He got there at 4:17 and breathed a sigh of relief. There was a fine if you picked up a child after 4:20 and they couldn't handle the extra expense at the moment.

"Michael!" Daisy grinned at him and ran over. Michael picked her up. 

"Where's your bag?" he asked. She pointed a little ways off and Michael grabbed it and handed it to her. "All set?"

"Yup!" she cheered, and Michael set her down and took her hand.

"Have a nice day," the lady at the desk told them. Daisy waved to her and skipped next to Michael as they left the building.

"You took longer today," Daisy scolded as they walked down the sidewalk together. 

"I'm sorry, my class took extra long today."

"That's okay. I drew a picture."

She stopped in th middle of the sidewalk and pulled a piece of paper out of her backpack. She handed it to Michael.  

There were two stick figures holding hands, one tall and one short. It said 'my family' at the top in large, shaky handwriting that Michael recognized as Daisy's.

"Who's that?" He asked, pointing at one of the figures. 

"The little one is me and the big one is you."

"Where's mom?"

"I don't see mom." Daisy's face turned sober. "Mom isn't around."

Michael sighed and then knelt in front of Daisy, gently grasping her shoulders. "Daisy, mom doesn't want to be gone, but she has to. She's only gone because she loves you and wants you to have clothes to wear and food to eat. It hurts her heart to leave every morning and only see you after dinner for a bit. She missed you just as much as you miss her."

Daisy nodded. "Will you help me draw her when we get home?"

Mchael thought about his pile of homework, but remembered that Daisy already felt abandoned. 

"Okay. We can draw mom into the picture when we get home."

_______

By the time he was back at the coffee shop, he was swaying on his feet with exhaustion. 

"Are you alright?" someone asked. Michael turned and saw Ashton behind him. 

"Ashton! What are you doing here?" 

Ashton grinned at him and pointed at his nametag. "I got my job again. I didn't need the money for a bit, but I'm thinking about saving up for a car and all that."

"It's great to see you again," Michael told him. "I usually work this shift alone, and it gets crazy. I've been waiting for them to hire someone for forever."

He'd worked with Ashton for a bit until Ashton had gotten busy and quit the job. They hadn't been quite what Michael would call friends, but they'd had some fun conversations as Michael wondered if maybe they could be friends now that Ashton was back.

"My first comment remains, though," Ashton said. "You look dead on your feet."

"I'm fine, just been busy." Michael ran a hand through his hair and sat down on a stool behind the counter. "Daisy's growing faster and needs more clothes, so I'm working Saturdays too now."

Ashton looked sympathetic but Michael didn't mind. It was kind of nice for a change to have someone listen and actually process what he was saying.

"Harry is growing so fast too," Ashton told him. "He's destroying all my hand-me-downs with his crazy playing."

A noise in the back startled then and Ashton groaned. "Have they still not replaced that stupid pot?"

"Nope," Michael said. Ashton rolled his eyes and went into the back to look at it.

Michael opened his history textbook and tried to read, but his vision kept blurring at the tiny print. He was so tired. He knew it wasn't healthy to get such a small amount of sleep, but he didn't know how to fix it.

The bell above the door chimed and Michael looked up to see the blonde boy walk in.

"Hot chocolate?" Michael asked him. The boy smiled at him.

"Of course."

"Do you even like coffee?" Michael asked, smiling lightly. The boy laughed and Michael liked the sound. 

"Not really. My mom banned me from caffeine anyway because it makes me crazy."

"I think my blood is coffee," Michael said as he turned to make the hot chocolate. There were a few machines out front and more in the back, and Michael was glad he could make the hot chocolate out front.

"That reliant on it?"

"Yeah, I have some pretty late nights."

"You look like it," the boy said, almost concernedly. "Wait, no, that came out sounding really mean. Just ignore me, I didn't mean you look bad, just-"

"Exhausted?" Michael laughed. "It's okay, no offense taken. I _am_ pretty tired."

He wondered why he was saying that to a complete stranger, and he tugged nervously on his shirt sleeves. 

He was a little sad when the hot chocolate was done. The boy gave him the money and he handed the hot chocolate over.

"Have a nice day," the boy smiled shyly, and Michael smiled back. 

"You too. Enjoy your drink!"

"Thanks, I will." The boy was backing toward the door and nearly crashed into it when he turned around. He let out an adorable giggle and then exited the shop. Michael watched him talk to himself as he walked down the sidewalk and found it a little endearing. 

Ashton came up next to him and rested his chin on his hands.

"Where were you?" Michael asked.

"Hiding from the unrequited-love bug," Ashton teased. "Oh, don't scowl. I'm just joking. You should just ask him his name."

"Why?"

"He hasn't asked yours yet and you don't wear your nametag like you're supposed to, so you should just ask him."

"He doesn't even come in every day," Michael protested. Ashton rolled is eyes and left Michael to pull out his history book again.

Michael went home at eight and put Daisy to bed before starting on his homework.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was hanging at a bonfire with a friend of mine and her brother, who I happen to have an embarrassing crush on, and I dropped my old powder container.   
> No biggie, right? WRONG. I was talking to the guy I like when I dropped it and it's where I keep my razors. So I was scrambling to pick them up and hoping he wouldn't see them in the dark, but I couldn't find them either. AND THEN HE TURNED HIS PHONE FLASHLIGHT ON AND WAS HELPING ME LOOK. He kept asking what I dropped and was like 'I can't find it if I don't know what I'm looking for' and my hands were shaking and I was just like 'it's nothing, it's fine, it's nothing' and I finally found the last one and got it into the container and shoved it in my bag, but I don't know if he saw it and I don't know whether to be happy or glad that I rarely see him. I also cut my finger from grabbing the last razor so fast, and his sister had to find a bandaid for me. 
> 
> So I'm freaking out a little. He's gonna think I'm a freak if he figured it out...

"Good morning, mum," Michael greeted as his mother entered the kitchen.

"Good morning," she sighed. She was already dressed and Michael slid her eggs onto a plate. He scraped the rest onto a plate for Daisy and then sat next to his mother at the table. 

"Michael!" Daisy cried, running into the room. "Mommy?"

Their mother had been leaving earlier than Daisy normally got up, and the girl's face brightened considerably at the sight of her parent. Michael smiled as his mother's tired face lit up too, and Daisy sat in her lap. 

"Eat, Jitterbug," he said, sliding her plate in front of her.

"Do you have Sunday off?" Daisy asked their mother.

"Yes- why wouldn't I?" 

"Can you and me do something girly? Michael doesn't know how to do nail polish or anything." 

Their mother sighed. "Honey, we don't have any nail polish."

"Oh." Daisy ate the last forkful of her eggs and shrugged. "How about you and me go to the park?"

"It's fine with me," Michael said, and their mother agreed. 

"Now off to school!" She told them, and Michael took Daisy's hand and headed out of the house, giving his mother a goodbye kiss on the cheek.

_______

Maths was already bad enough, and on that particular day, Michael was especially hungry. He never ate breakfast and rarely ate dinner because lunch was free at school and Daisy was eating more and more as she grew. The hunger pains kicked in sometimes and made it hard to concentrate, though he was getting more used to it.

Calum, who had sat by him, kept shooting him concerned looks. Michael knew he was looking worse by the day, though his mother had no time to notice and Daisy was used to it. He never slept anymore and he was losing weight again. Ashton had slipped him a muffin from the coffee shop the other day and Michael hadn't had the energy to argue. He'd just taken it. 

Calum had started sitting with him. Not every time, but at lunch and in a few of their classes. Michael liked him and they had some nice conversations, but generally Michael was too distracted to talk much. Calum seemed to like him too, though, and Michael wished so badly that he had the time to be friends with him and Ashton. He thought that the three of them could be great friends. 

When his morning classes were finally over, Michael felt drained. He got his food and sat down, his mind wandering far away.

Sometimes things felt pointless. He couldn't go to college, he couldn't make friends, his mother didn't have the time to see him for more than a few minutes, and he rarely had time to himself. But he had to keep pushing on because even though his job didn't pay much, it was a necessity along with his mother's job. His family needed him because his dad wasn't there. He smiled a bit bitterly at that. He was too tied down to even kill himself. 

He hadn't thought about it all that much, but it seemed... Peaceful.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and went through the grocery list, adding up the prices to see if he'd have any leftover money to get something for Daisy to do with their mom. He calculated that he'd have a few dollars over and decided to look for something while he was there. He'd go after work and then put Daisy to bed.

He was calculating again just to double check when Calum sat next to him.

"What's up?" he asked, shoving a fry into his mouth. 

"Not much," Michael said absently. His vision blurred for a moment and he dug his fingers into his wrist, the pain clearing it. He set about eating, trying to eat as much as possible as he wouldn't have enough food for dinner if he bought something for Daisy.

"Are you okay? You were really restless in Maths." Calum seemed genuinely concerned, but Michael didn't want to burden someone else with his problems. 

"I forgot to eat breakfast," he lied, shoveling some food in this mouth to make a point. 

"Ooh, that sucks." Calum grimaced. "Breakfast is supposed to be the biggest meal of the day."

Michael just laughed awkwardly.

______

Michael's shift was almost over when the blonde boy came into the coffee shop. He waved shyly, and Michael couldn't help but smile, despite the bad mood that had settled over him earlier. He was hungry again and wouldn't have anything to eat that night, but he forgot for a little while.

"One hot chocolate, then?" He asked, because he always double checked so that people could change their minds. 

"Yeah, thanks," the boy said, already handing over the money. Michael set about making the drink, and the boy leaned on the counter to watch. 

"So do you just come here after dinner?" Michael asked conversationally.

"Yeah, it's quiet." The boy sighed. "My parents are getting a divorce and sometimes they start fighting, so I come here, then go sit in the park."

"My dad left without even filing for a divorce," Michael said, and then found himself one again wondering why he was telling something personal to this boy. 

"I'm sorry." The boy stared at his hands. "My mom wants full custody and they're fighting over that. I just don't want to hear it."

"Well it's awfully cold outside these days," Michael said. "You can always sit in here. Bring a book or something."

He handed the boy his drink and the boy smiled. "Thanks. I didn't bring anything to do today, but maybe next time."

"Have a nice day," Michael told him, and the boy waved, smiling wider. 

_______

When Michael headed to the grocery store after work, he was feeling a bit better. He'd gotten the money from his mom that morning, as he still had to cash all the checks, and he had a list with him. 

It was funny how a smile from one person could really brighten someone's day. The cuts on his arm were forgotten and he felt cheerful as he grabbed a basket and made his way around the store. 

His mood improved even more when he found several things on sale and calculated that he could get Daisy two bottles of nail polish. He knew his mom would be happy with it as long as they had enough food, and he figured that one meal a day for a few days wouldn't hurt him. He could always take an apple from the school cafeteria or something, if they had anything of that sort. 

He went to look at nail polish last, hunting down th cheapest company and surveying the rows of colors. He knew Daisy wore a lot of pink and purple, so he picked out a blue and a green, feeling a little excited about presenting the gift to her. It wasn't often that he got to buy her things, and he knew it would please his mom too.

"That's disgusting," he heard a voice say, and he turned slightly to see two teenage boys standing nearby, casting sneering glances at him. "What kind of guy wears nail polish?" 

"I don't think that qualifies as a guy," the other one stage whispered. Michael gripped the two bottles tightly and closed his eyes. 

Breathe. One, two, three. 

He opene his eyes and calmly put the nail polish in his basket before walking past the two boys without saying a word.

"Faggot," he heard behind him, and he thought hard about how excited Daisy would be, how much fun she would have with their mom. 

"Watch your mouth," someone said sharply. Michael turned around to see Ashton glaring at the two boys, his normally sunshiny smile gone. The two boys stared at him for a moment, but somehow he managed to stare them down, and they grumbled and left.

"Thanks," Michael said awkwardly, shifting his feet. He never seen Ashton outside of work. 

"No problem. I hear it all the time and I'm really sick of it, y'know? Like, come on- where is all of this 'progression' we keep hearing about?" 

Ashton was smiling again, though, and Michael liked it better when he could see the deep dimples in his cheeks. 

"Yeah. Sorry, I need to hurry home and get Daisy to bed. But thanks again! I'll see you tomorrow."

"No problem," Ashton beamed, and then he hugged Michael. 

It was a bit awkward, but Ashton didn't seem to notice and Michael- well, no one had really been affectionate toward him. He was always being affectionate with Daisy, but she mostly just wanted to sleep in his room when she was scared. This was different, and Michael suddenly wished he could hug people all the time. 

"Um, bye," he said finally, and Ashton left with a wave. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the sweet comments! I don't mean to turn these notes into stories of my life, I'm just freaking out a little and I don't know when I'll see him next because we don't see each other regularly. 
> 
> Anyway, here's a new chapter for you all!

Michael was feeling miserable. He had a test the next morning, but he'd had to pick up an extra shift because it was Daisy's birthday in two days and the poor kid needed _something_. It was nine o'clock but it felt much later, and he was so _tired_. His stomach growled loudly and he wondered if Daisy was going to bed alright since he wasn't there. 

His focus was getting worse and worse. The lines in his arm were getting deeper and he had to bandage them more often because they would reopen when he applied pressure. He recharged a little on the weekends, but by Tuesday or Wednesday he felt ready to fall over again, and he was still only eating one to two meals a day. He only found energy when he thought about how much Daisy and his mom needed the extra money, even if it wasn't that much. His mom was putting money into savings for college, but Michael wanted it to be for Daisy. 

The coffee shop was quiet, and Michael was working alone. After his shift would normally have ended, only one person had come in. It was peaceful, and he found himself resting his head on his arms, staring out the window even though he should be studying.

"Are you alright?" Someone asked timidly, and Michael flew to his feet. 

"Sorry, sorry!" 

He looked at the clock and saw that he'd fallen asleep for ten minutes. When he looked at the person who'd woken him, he saw that it was the blonde boy, who was looking at him in concern.

"Are you alright?" He repeated.

"Yeah, m'fine. Sorry about the- the falling asleep. You want hot chocolate, right? Is that the one you normally get? I always know but for some reason I feel unsure," Michael rambled, setting mechanically about making the coffee. His stomach growled loudly and he flushed red, resting a hand over it and willing it to be quiet.

He turned around while the water was boiling and saw that the boy was still looking concerned. 

"Can I get a muffin too?" He asked. 

"Sure, what kind?"

"What kind would you recommend?" The boy asked, and Michael fought to think. 

"Um...I like that one, it's, um...sorry, it's blueberry."

"That sounds good, I'll try that one."

"I swear I'm not doing drugs or anything," Michael blurted nervously. "I'm just not- can't sleep." 

He slapped himself and shook his head, feeling like a complete idiot.

"It's fine, I know what you mean," the boy said sympathetically. "I feel drunk when I don't sleep enough. Not that I know what it's like to be drunk!"

It was his turn to blush, and Michael found himself laughing. The boy started laughing with him after a moment, and Michael felt better.

"Do you have a pen I can borrow?" The boy asked finally. Michael handed him one and then turned to finish the hot chocolate, pausing to press a finger into his wrist.

"Enjoy," he said, handing the boy the drink. The boy smiled widely at him and took it.

"Thanks! Have a nice night."

Michael waved as the boy left the building. Then he sat down, staring absently at the counter.

He noticed something wrapped in a napkin resting near his elbow and he picked it up, unwrapping it to find the large muffin. The napkin had writing on it, and he squinted to read it.

_A gift for the best barista. Eat it and take care of yourself! :) -LH_

Michael wasn't sure if he'd gone soft or if he was really that tired, but he felt tears pricking at his eyes as he picked up the muffin. 

He opened his textbook and smiled softly to himself.

_______

Michael stared helplessly at the grade on his test. He'd been half asleep when he'd taken it, so it wasn't exactly a surprise that he hadn't done that well. He dropped his head to his desk and squeezed his eyes shut. 

His stomach growled and a few people giggled. Calum, who was sitting a few desks away with a friend, frowned concernedly. Michael hadn't really seen him in a few days as he'd grabbed lunch and gone to study elsewhere so he could do his homework when he had extra shifts. 

He and his mom gotten Daisy a new dress. She'd been so excited that Michael forgot about the hunger pains. He knew that they cold use their savings account money if they had to, but he wanted Daisy to have a better future than him, to get a good education and a good job someday.  So he put up with the food shortage and smiled with Daisy when she got her gift.

Ashton also seemed concerned and kept sharing snacks with Michael when Michael knew he wasn't even hungry enough to bring any. Ashton was someone who ate large meals three times a day and didn't need to snack often, but Michael appreciated his way of trying to help and found that he couldn't turn down the food.

His head flew up as class was dismissed, and everyone was out of the room by the time he was shoving his things into his backpack.  

His science teacher, Ms. Hemmings, took the seat next to him, and Michael sighed. 

"I know you can do better, Michael," she said kindly. "Is there something taking up too much of your time?" 

"I'm just busy," he said, hoping she'd leave it alone. 

She sighed. "I want to offer you a chance for some extra credit because I know something's keeping you from focusing and I trust that it's something important. If you'll meet me after school, I'll go over the material with you and have you write a paper on it. That can bump your grade up."

Michael wanted to so badly, he really did. 

"I can't," he sighed. "I have to pick my little sister up every evening."

"What about this weekend?" She offered, and once again Michael was struck by the kindness of someone else. 

"I- I'd love to, if you can spare the time."

"Does afternoon or evening work better?" 

"Late afternoon would be best," Michael said, going through his mental schedule. 

"How about at four? I have another student coming in to work on some things then."

"That sounds great. Sorry, I need to run to lunch. But thank you so much, I'll see you tomorrow!"

Michael waved to Ms. Hemmings and grabbed his bag, taking off down the hallway.

_______

"Are you okay?" Calum asked for the millionth time as Michael swayed tiredly over his meal.

"Yeah, just got a lot going on."

"Well I was wondering if you want to come over to my house sometime and hangout. You play guitar, right? We could jam sometime."

Michael didn't know what to say. All the time he had off he needed to sleep, study, or watch Daisy. But he'd wanted friends for so long and now he had a chance.

"Um, sure, I'd love to."

"Do weekends work better?"

"Yeah, Saturday and Sunday evenings are best." 

"Well, how about a week from Sunday?" Calum asked. Michael checked his mental schedule again.

"Yeah, I think that will work. I'll let you know if it changes, though." 

He suddenly felt excited, and Calum seemed pleased. 

"Okay, I'll give you my address when I can write it down somewhere."

"Thanks," Michael said sincerely, and he meant it in reference to more than it seemed he did.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't really have a way to see the guy I had a crush on. We don't go to school together or anything so I never see him and it sucks. And my family doesn't really like him but he's the only person I truly feel comfortable around, like I can be myself with him. It's terrible. I'm so lonely, guys :(
> 
> I know, I know. Stop whining about your life and get on with the story.  
> I'm not very happy about this chapter but it's the best I can do at the moment.

Ms. Hemmings looked over the work she'd assigned Michael and nodded approvingly. 

"This is why I hate tests," she said. "You sat down and write an excellent paper on the very thing you failed a test on. It's not a fair grading system for most people."

Michael nodded. He was feeling a little queasy and was having more trouble focussing- he was fighting just to pay attention. 

"Thank you so much," he said. 

"You're very welcome! This will bump your grade up pretty far. Your homework is always finished, which is more than I can say for most of my students, and I see good work ethic, so I'm happy."

"I try really hard," Michael blurted. "I know I'm not always the best student and I'm not always there mentally, but I try."

"I don't know what's going on in your life and you don't have to tell me. Just don't worry. I can tell you're working very hard."

She smiled at him and set his paper on her desk.

"My son is about your age. He works very hard at school, but his brain is more artistically wired. I see that in you, Michael."

"I suppose. I mean, I play music."

"My son does too!" Ms. Hemmings smiled widely. "He plays guitar."

A sad look passed over her face. "I'm in the middle of a divorce, though, and it's been really hard on him. He's taken to leaving the house. He's met some boy- says he doesn't really know him, but he talks about him all the time. Tells me about their conversations, even though they're short, and how he's too scared to even ask his name."

Michael's mind was drifting again and he shook his head, pressing a finger into a cut to wake himself up. 

"I'm sorry," he said. "I should, um, I should get home."

He bid goodbye to her and left the building, pulling down his sleeves and heading down the sidewalk. It was a beautiful day, and he found himself looking up at the bright sky and smiling. 

Some days just the way the world looked made him feel a little better. The air was crisp and the sky was this amazing shade of blue. He furrowed his eyebrows at a cloud as he tried to think of what it looked like.

Suddenly his vision started blurring. He blinked but it wouldn't clear. Panicking slightly, he stopped walking and rubbed his eyes. He felt dizzy and nauseous and his vision was going black...

"-ay? Wake up!"

Michael realized he was laying on his back on the sidewalk, and he looked up to see Calum staring down at him. He looked a little freaked out.

"Are you okay?"

"What happened?" Michael asked.

"I don't know, I was just walking down the sidewalk across the street and I saw you fall over. You woke up pretty fast, though."

Michael groaned and tried to stand. His legs gave out and he fell back.

"Whoa, slow down. You should go to the hospital, you might have a concussion."

"No, I- I can't go to the hospital!" Michael panicked. "Can't- we can't afford it." His vision was swimming again and his head felt light. 

"I can't just leave you like this," Calum protested. "Wait, my aunt's a nurse. If you'll come with me I'll take you to her house and have her take a look."

"I'm fine," Michael said. He struggled to his feet and swayed side to side.

"You don't want to be out of it for days, do you? You'll miss school."

Michael panicked again. "Damnit, I can't miss work."

He swayed precariously and Calum leaped forward, pulling Michael's arm over his shoulder and helping him stand.

"Come on, my aunt's house isn't far from here."

Michael gave in and let Calum lead him down the sidewalk slowly, getting used to leaning on him as he couldn't support himself.

He hadn't really hit his head that hard, and he was worried about it. He couldn't miss work at the moment, not when they'd just celebrated Daisy's birthday and his mom had had to buy more work clothes.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before they were standing in front of a small but clean house with a white gate. 

Calum opened the door and helped Michael in.

"Aunt Marina!"

A woman emerged from another room and smiled at Calum. She looked a little like him, Michael thought. 

"What's wrong?" she asked as soon as she saw Michael.

"He passed out on the sidewalk but he can't go to the hospital. He wanted to go home but I was worried because he can't even walk by himself," Calum explained. Michael watched the clock on the wall and wondered why the numbers were twirling.

Marina looked concerned. "Sit him down. What's your name?"

She addressed Michael with the last question and he looked at her blankly.

"Wha- it's..." He stared. "Um..."

Calum helped him into a chair and Marina grabbed a small flashlight from a table. 

"It's Michael!" He remembered as she stood in front of him. 

"I need to shine this light in your eyes," she said. "Hold still."

"Oka- ow!" Michael's head pounded harder as the bright light pierced his vision. Marina moved the light around a bit and then did the same with the other eye. 

"Yeah, he has a concussion." She took his arm and felt up and down his forearm. Then she pinched the skin on one of his fingers. "Michael, you're very dehydrated and undernourished. That's probably why you passed out. You need to be drinking and eating more."

"Um, okay." Michael didn't need anyone looking into how much he ate. He didn't want anyone taking him and Daisy out of their home. "I'm sorry to bother you, I'll just, go home and, um, eat."

Marina looked at him sharply and he realized she probably thought he had an eating disorder or something. 

"Do you have anyone to keep an eye on you?" she asked. "You need to stay awake for a few hours."

"Um...my sister's home."

"How old is she?"

"...never mind."

Marina pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Calum, why don't you and Michael go get something to eat? I'll treat you since you've been helping me around the house." 

"No, I really couldn't," Michael protested. 

"Honey, either you let Calum keep an eye on you or I drag you to the nearest hospital," Marina told him sharply but not meanly. 

"...um." Michael shut his mouth.

"Sure!" Calum agreed. "I'm hungry. I wanted to hang out with you sometime anyway, so why not now?"

"Here," Marina gave Calum some money. "Don't let him go anywhere alone or fall asleep. Text me and keep me updated, and I'll tell you when he's fine."

"Thank you so much," Michael said, feeling guilty. His head was throbbing but he felt like he had to say something.

"Calum, why don't you let him sit for a minute first," Marina suggested. 

"No, I'm- I think I can walk now." Michael stood and was glad to see that he felt less dizzy. 

"Well, what food do you like?" Calum asked him. 

"Anything."

"How about burgers, then?" Calum suggested.

"Don't eat too much too fast," Marina advised.

Michael nodded and Calum headed toward the door.

"Thanks again," Michael said gratefully, and Marina smiled. 

"It's no problem." 

Michael followed Calum out, still a little unsteady.

"So how's your weekend going?" Calum asked. "Other than, well, passing out."

"It's okay." Michael was feeling lightheaded again. "Can we- can we sit for a minute?"

"Yeah, sure. Are you okay?" Calum peered at Michael in concern. They were near the park and Calum led him into it and toward one of the benches. 

"Yeah, just, you know- concussion."

Michael sat down and sighed, running his hands over his face. He was so tired...

"Whoa, hey, stay awake!" Cal bumped his shoulder gently and Michael sat up straight. 

"Sorry," he said.

"Hey, it's no problem," Calum said. "I'm just taking care of you."

Michael felt strangely comforted at that. 

_______

Michael kept spacing out over his science textbook. He kept thinking back to when he'd spent the evening with Calum. 

It had been so much fun. He'd eaten a fair amount and saved the rest. Then they'd wandered around for a bit and talked and finally went to Calum's house and played guitar to keep Michael awake. Calum had Ben impressed with Michael's ability, even though Michael hadn't had time to practice in forever.

When Calum's aunt had finally given Michael the okay to go home, Calum had made him promise to hang out with him again. Michael definitely wanted to.

But he was worried that he wouldn't have the time to be a good friend. He was working and doing homework so often that he couldn't even really sleep, much less hang out with Calum.

The bell above the door rang and pulled him out of his thoughts. It was the blonde boy, and Michael found himself smiling through his exhaustion.

"Hey," the boy said shyly. Michael waved.

"One hot chocolate?"

"Yeah." The boy leaned over and handed Michael the money. "What did you do to your head?"

Michael remembered the bruise he had from passing out, and tried to shrug it off. "I fell."

The boy reached out and brushed a finger over it before suddenly withdrawing, yanking his had back.

"Sorry, sorry, I'll just..."

Michael laughed as the boy flushed in embarrassment. "It's okay."

The boy visibly relaxed and Michael smiled tiredly at him. 

"What's your name?" Michael asked him finally. "I mean, it would be nice to have something to refer to you as since you come in fairly frequently."

"Luke," the boy said, smiling widely. Michael couldn't stop himself from smiling back.

"I'm Michael," he told him, handing him the hot chocolate. "Have a nice day!"

"You too!" The boy- _Luke_ \- replied, waving his cup at him before leaving the shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it would be funny to have it have turned out to be Niall instead of Luke and then introduce Luke a different way but I thought maybe that would be too weird haha and might fuck you all over a bit too much


	5. Chapter 5

Calum had begun watching Michael like a hawk, and Michael suspected that he had had a talk with his aunt. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do about eating, however, since they were low on grocery money again. He was growing steadily and not gaining any weight and he was a little worried, but it was mostly for Daisy's sake. 

 _Speak of the devil,_ he thought, as Daisy skidded around the corner of the hallway and ran into his bedroom. 

"Michael! Michael!" She yelled, hopping onto the bed and jumping up and down in front of him.

"Daisy, Daisy!" He mimicked, wiping the tired look off his face. 

"What?" She asked. 

"You yelled my name first, you answer."

"I want you to play guitar for me since you're gonna be gone tonight."

She pouted while she said it and Michael smiled fondly.

"I'm sorry, Jitterbug, but we need more money."

"Will you eat, then?" She asked, and Michael froze. 

"What?"

"You don't eat with me."

"I eat at a different time because I'm busy making your food," Michael told her in a teasing voice. "I eat at work and at school."

Daisy stared at him for a minute. 

"Guitar," she demanded finally, pointing at it. Michael went and picked it up, sitting across from Daisy and settling it into his lap.

"What first?"

"Lights!" Daisy cheered. 

"Again?" Michael pondered for a moment. "Nah, we always do that one."

"Michaaaaael," she whined. Michael bopped her nose and then began strumming, making faces at her as she tried to figure out if he was playing what she'd requested or not.

" _When you try your best but you don't succeed.._."

Daisy started swaying back and forth, adding in a few words where she knew them, and Michael was reminded of the reason why his voice cracked from dehydration and his fingers shook from constant cold. He was going through it all for Daisy. 

_______

Ashton's maniacal laugh never failed to bring at least a small smile to Michael's tired face, and today was no different as Ashton slapped the counter and let loose his laugh, shoulders shaking. Calum had come to pick Michael up  when the shift was over, and he and Ashton were hitting it off. They had several minutes left before the next two employees came in, and Calum was sitting and telling Ashton stupid stories. 

A few of them involved Michael, and it made him feel a little better to know that he was in a few of someone's happy memories, as stupid as that sounded. 

When they were finally getting ready to leave, Michael had to tear the two apart. 

"We're going now, Cal," he said, laughing at Ashton's pout.

"But Michaaaaael," Ashton whined, and Michael was momentarily reminded of Daisy. 

"Why don't you come with us?" Calum invited, and Michael nodded in agreement. 

Ashton's face lit up. "Really? I'd love to!" 

He practically jumped over the counter with his bag and almost ran out the door without them. 

"Ashton, slow down!" Calum yelled, chasing after him. Michael ran too, but he hadn't gotten far before acute pain in his chest almost knocked him off of his feet. He stopped, breathing more heavily than the short distance warranted. His vision swam for a moment. 

"Michael?"

Calum ran back and Ashton followed, both looking concerned. 

"I'm fine, just a little out of shape," Michael joked breathlessly.

"You look like you did when you passed out the other day," Calum said worriedly. "Sit down."  

He pulled Michael over to a bench and sat him down. 

"Cal, really, I'm fine," Michael protested.

"You passed out the other day?" Ashton queried.

"I found him in the sidewalk," Calum told him. 

"Look, I'm working on it but I'm still a little dehydrated," Michael said. "I just need a drink."

Calum looked closely at him for a moment and then nodded. 

"Okay, well get you a drink at my house. Also, we're having a roast for dinner, are you both hungry?"

"Starving!" Ashton said as they all stood and made their way down the sidewalk. 

Calum kept their pace slow but didn't say anything about it.

_______

Ashton and Calum were suddenly inseparable. Calum told Michael confidentially that he'd totally judged Ashton based on his shirt when they'd first met ( _purple, Michael, it was this really weird purple!_ ) and his indifference toward FIFA, but then they'd started discussing music, and now Calum came into the coffee shop just about every day because his 'two favorite people work here, how can I stay away?'

Calum had just left when the blonde boy- Luke!- came in, and Michael felt a smile automatically spread on his face.

"Hey," he greeted, waving to Luke. "One hot chocolate?"

"Have you got any musical careers?" Luke asked. He seemed really glum and Michael felt bad for him. 

"Nope," Michael grinned. "We ran out. "How about biomedical engineering?"

Luke fake vomited and Michael heard Ashton's giggle from the back room. 

"Yeah, cocoa's fine," Luke said. 

"Fine?" Michael scoffed as he set about making it. "I pour my blood, sweat, and tears into this, and you describe it as _fine?_ Better gloriously horrific than mediocre."

Luke giggled and Michael found himself enjoying the sound, smiling at the way the boy's eyes crinkled at the edges. 

"Music, though?" Michael said. 

Luke blushed slightly. "It's the only thing I'm even remotely good at."

"Now _that_ I doubt," Michael said. "And either way, you could never be worse at anything than I am."

"I sincerely doubt that," Luke said. "I suck at math."

"Two plus two makes five," Michael deadpanned.

"And science."

"H20 is vodka, duh. See, not hard."

Luke giggled again, screwing his eyes shut. "And history."

" _Oh say can you see by the dawn's early light what so proudly we hailed by the twilight's last_..."

"Gleaming," Luke supplied helpfully. "And we're not American."

"Hey!" Michael protested in mock offense. "I could be. That's racist!"

Luke rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling and Michael felt satisfied at that.

Then the phone at the counter rang and Michael moved to answer.

"Is Michael Clifford there?" someone asked before he could say anything.

"This is Michael," he said, suddenly concerned.

"Your sister has had an accident," the man on the line told him gravely. 

"An accident?" Michael gripped the counter, knuckles going white. His heart rate rocketed. "What kind? How- how bad?"

"She was hit by a car- it was a hit and run and they haven't caught anyone yet, but she's in pretty bad shape."

"Oh my god, is she- I- I'm coming!"

"You may want to hurry," the man said, and Michael set the phone down numbly.

"I'm really sorry, I have to go," he rushed out, grabbing his bag. He swayed on his feet and Luke ran forward and tried to steady him. 

"I'll come with you- you look like you're about to fall over."

"You don't have-"

"It sounds like we should hurry," the boy said firmly, and Michael tore out the door with him on his heels.

_Please be okay, please be okay._

His heart was pounding and his chest immediately began to hurt again, but he ignored it, forcing himself to breathe and push on. The closest hospital was also the one closest to their house, and he knew it was where she'd be. It still felt like forever before he could see it, though, and he felt ready to pass out again. Luke noticed his panic and took his hand, an act that comforted Michael instead of confusing him in the panic of the moment. 

They burst through the doors and Michael got to the front desk, leaning on it and panting.

"My sister- Daisy Clifford- where is she? How is she?"

"Your name?" the woman at the desk asked.

"Michael Clifford."

"I've got this," someone said, and Michael turned to see Calum's aunt, Marina, standing behind him and Luke. 

The woman at the desk waved them on and Michael stood, his chest feeling like it was trying to cave in on itself. Luke stepped next to him and helped him stand upright without a word. 

"How is she?" Michael asked hoarsely. 

"She's in surgery right now and I didn't get all the details," Marina told him, "but I do know that it's pretty bad. She was in the street outside your house. Fortunately the speed limit was fairly low, but she's a small girl. The driver left and your neighbors called an ambulance."

"Is she-" Michael's voice failed him. "Will she-" 

"Is she gonna make it?" Luke asked when Michael's voice refused to come out for the second time. Michael shot him a grateful look.

Marina's face was grave. "It's- it doesn't look too good."

Michael sagged against Luke, tears blurring his vision. "She's only seven years old! She can't- they can't let her die..."

He felt like all the strength had rushed out of him, and Luke helped him into a nearby chair, sitting next to him and looking at him in concern. Marina sighed.

"I'm really sorry, Michael. She could still pull through. She was conscious when-"

"Don't!" Michael held up a hand as images of Daisy crossed his mind. He could just see her innocent eyes opened wide with pain as she wondered why it wouldn't stop hurting. As she wondered where Michael was. "Just- I need to know."

"I'll let you know the second she's out of surgery," Marina promised. "Are you staying here?"

She addressed Luke the second time and Luke nodded. "Yeah, I'll stick around."

Marina eyed him approvingly and then left.

"You don't have to," Michael said dully. "You don't even know me."

"Yeah, but I know you need someone to be here," Luke said, "and what would I do that would be worthwhile? Let me try and help you out."

Michael felt more tears pricking at his eyes. "Thank you," he said. "It is- it is helping."

"Is there someone you need to contact?" 

Michael shook his head. "I don't have a phone and I don't want I leave. I just- I have no idea where my mom is."

"She may be in a different part of the hospital," Luke said. "It's pretty big."

Michael nodded, his mind drifting as he stared at the white wall in front of him. He couldn't believe it. Why had Daisy been in the street? His mom had been home, what had she been doing?

_______

He and Luke had sat in silence for a few hours. Luke had fallen asleep and Michael hadn't done anything when the boy's head slipped onto his shoulder. This stranger was doing so much for him even though they'd only had a couple of conversations, and Michael had no idea why. He was still freaking out, but he knew it would be worse to be the only person in the room, to be surrounded by empty seats as he waited to hear if his little sister was going to live or not. 

It was another hour and a half before Luke woke up. Michael kept checking the clock, and he and Luke talked for a bit even though Michael's head wasn't really in it. 

Finally, _finally_ someone came. It was Marina again, and her expression was still grave.

"What?" Michael flew to his feet. " _What?_ "

"She's gonna make it."

Michael fell, his legs giving out. Luke caught him again, holding him upright and moving him back to his seat.

"Michael, they had to amputate her left leg," Marina told him.

"What? But-"

"It's below the knee so a prosthetic will be easier to fit than if it was higher up. She's young, she'll adapt quickly."

"She's young," Michael repeated dully. She's only seven years old."

"Do you want to see her?"

"Yeah- is she- does she know?"

"I told her."

Marina motioned for them to follow and then headed down the corridor. Luke took Michael's hand again an Michael clung to it, grounding himself in the touch and following Marina. 

Daisy was pale and her round face was serious, but the shine was still in her eyes and Michael felt tears welling up. He let go off Luke's hand and stumbled next to the bed, grasping Daisy's hand. 

"I'm sorry," he cried, trying to ignore the flatness of the sheets under her knee. 

"Why?" She asked him. "You didn't do it."

"I should have been there," Michael sobbed. "I'm never gonna forgive myself, Daisy."

"I'm alive," the little girl said simply.

"What?"

"I could be dead, but I'm not. Be happy."

Michael was dumbstruck by the maturity of the seven year old, and the nurse standing next to him was tearing up too.

"Are you happy?" he asked.

"Kind of. There's a little sadness, but it will be okay."

"Daisy, I should have been there-" Michael broke down and his head rested on her lap as he hugged her. 

Tiny fingers stroked his head and her childish voice sounded softly. " _When you try you best but you don't succeed._.."

Michael cried harder as she sang.

" _When you get what you want but not what you need..._ " 

Luke was singing softly behind them and Michael thought he heard one of the nurses too.

" _When you feel so tired but you can't sleep,_ _stuck in reverse.._."

And really, he felt that he shouldn't be the one crying, but everything was spilling over from the past years and he couldn't stop.

" _Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try...to fix you_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feels a bit shitty but I don't know what's wrong with it :/ it just doesn't feel right
> 
> Well, let me know what you think. 
> 
> You'll find out where his mom is in the next chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okie dokie, guys... So I have a plan for my next story but I need a vote between two options.   
> So no matter what, the storyline will vaguely be Michael and Luke go to the same fancy private school and Michael's dad an Luke's mom are big business owners who are having a clash on a political point. Luke definitively sides with his mom but Michael says nothing and that makes Luke dislike him. HOWEVER, despite Michael's seemingly good behavior, he secretly graffitis on his dad's buildings at night in support of Luke and his mom's cause.
> 
> SO what I need is first of all, should the political point be Luke and his mom are pro gay rights and Michael's dad isn't, or Luke and his mom are working in defense of mutants or people with superpowers and Michael's dad is against them?  
> And secondly, just send me any tips or suggestions for the story. I won't be starting it until this one is finished.

Michael sat and stared at his hands, feeling as if his entire world was crashing down around him. In a way, it was. Child Protective Services was at the hospital. With his mom, who had apparently fallen asleep while watching Daisy, who had then wandered into the street. And had her leg amputated only a few hours ago.

He hadn't talked with anyone yet, but he knew, deep down, what was going to happen. And he'd worked so hard for it to be avoided, to keep them all together. He'd wanted them to be a family.

Luke was still there. It was strange- he'd barely met the boy and then had spent hours at the hospital with him. He was sitting placidly next to Michael, and somehow he seemed to know when Michael needed a hand on his shoulder or gripping his own. There was a weird sort of connection between them and Michael was curious, but he didn't really have the time to be. 

"You can go," Michael told the boy finally. "You've done way more than you should feel obligated to."

"I don't feel obligated to do anything," Luke said defiantly. "I feel as if I want to, so I do."

He had seemed almost meek before, and Michael found this a bit of an interesting character twist. 

"I don't have any idea as to why," Michael said bitterly. "My sister almost died, I was a bawling wreck, and now my family is going to get split into three different directions."

"I want to help. I've always wanted to help people, but for some reason..."

Luke trailed off and stared at the wall in front of him. "It's different right now. It's...more."

Michael sighed and put his face in his hands. "Well, I don't know why you're here and it doesn't sound like you do either, but thank you."

Silence fell for a moment. Then the dreaded moment arrived as a man approached Michael, a man he'd seen talking with his mother. 

"You're gonna have to go," Michael told Luke. "But find Daisy's nurse and ask her to have Calum and Ashton come. And if you're still feeling crazy, sit and get to know them shill come see you guys. I think they'll come, maybe. I need to- to go."

Michael stood and Luke gripped his arm gently. 

"Good luck, Michael. I'll go find the nurse."

Michael felt a little braver as he approached the man, and the man motioned for him to follow.

"We'll be heading to Daisy's room," the man said with a tight looking smile. "I'm Mr. Jones."

"Michael," Michael informed the man needlessly as he shook his hand. He felt numb again, like he wasn't the person moving his body. They reached Daisy's room in less time than he had wanted them too,  and there was another CPS worker in there with her.

"Michael!" Daisy greeted happily, and the female worker- whose nametag read Morgan- made a note on a clipboard. 

"Hey Jitterbug," Michael said, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her and feeling his chest clench as he saw the empty spot in the sheets. Daisy's smile faltered as she looked too, and she laid her head against Michael's shoulder. 

"So you both know what happened with you mother, right? How she fell asleep while watching Daisy?" Jones asked.

"Yeah," Michael answered. 

"Well, her workload is really weighing on her. She's over stretching herself and the consequences are reaching more people than just her."

The door opened and closed, and Michael saw Marina come and stand near the bed.

"All parents make mistakes," Michael argued weakly.

Jones looked at him in genuine sympathy. "We're not making your mother out to be the bad guy here. We're equally worried for her sake. Her income can only support one person, and there are three of you." 

"Michael works," Daisy said. "After school he takes me home, makes me dinner, and then goes to work."

"Where do you work?" Jones asked.

"A coffeeshop. It's just a little after school job."

"Do you save the money?"

"I don't think that that is any of your business," Michael retorted, and Morgan wrote something down. Jones looked a little upset himself. 

"We're trying to help you, Michael."

"Then you can leave us alone." 

"In this case I have reason to believe that that would be the least helpful solution for you all, including your mother. Now Daisy, how much do you eat every day?"

"Well, Michael makes me eggs, oatmeal, or cereal," Daisy began listing off. "That's in the morning. Then I eat lunch at school. When Michael picks me up from school, we go home and he makes me a sanwhich or soup or something like that."

"Do you get hungry?"

"Sometimes I forget to eat lunch because I'm playing. But Michael gives me more food for dinner then."

"What about clothes? Do you get cold?"

"My face is always cold," Daisy said conversationally. "Mostly my nose. But I wear a hat and scarf and mittens. Sometimes Michael unzips his coat and I cuddle inside it with him."

Michael tried to keep the glare on his face but he just wanted to cry at all of the memories. Jones looked a little confused. 

"Who is in charge of shopping?" He asked.

"I do it because I have more time," Michael said. 

"Who keeps track of the money?"

"I do."

"How are you keeping her fed and clothed on your mother's income? She seems healthy enough and your mother is fine other than exhaustion. Your bank account also has untouched money in it, so even with your coffee shop job, you shouldn't be able to feed and clothe everyone."

"I've kept track of all of the money," Michael glared. "We have books with records, if you're insinuating that I'm not following rules so to speak."

"I didn't mean to sound as if I was accusing you of anything of the sort," Jones amended. "You just seem to be a miracle worker. So you all eat well, Daisy?"

"Michael doesn't eat," the little girl said placidly. She wasn't aware of the effect her words had as everyone in the room stiffened. Marina looked like a puzzle piece had just fallen into place in her mind.

Michael wasn't used to being stared at.

"I eat," he said as firmly as he could to Daisy. "Why are you saying that I don't?"

"You give me and mom all the eggs in the morning."

"I eat breakfast at the coffeeshop, Jitterbug."

"You said we couldn't get food there because it was too 'spensive."

Michael didn't know what to say. 

"And," Daisy continued, "you never eat dinner with us. You said you eat later, but when I see you at night you don't have food."

Michael had never before wished his sister was stupid, but he was wishing it at that moment.

"Is that true, Michael?" Jones asked him. Michael was at a loss for words.

"I'm worried," Daisy said, and Michael knew before she continued that he was going to want to make her stop talking, but he couldn't. 

"Why?" Jones asked her gently.

"I'm worried about Michael because sometimes he's bleeding. And it has to hurt because I always cry if I have a cut, but he has lots and he doesn't cry when I see him."

"Daisy, what-" Michael felt utterly betrayed, even though he knew Daisy really was just worried about him. 

"Michael," Marina said, "let me see your arms."

Jones and Morgan turned to look at Michael and he panicked.

"No," he said. "What are we doing? Just tell me if we're staying with our mom or if you're going to rip my family apart!"

"Michael, were trying to help you," Jones said exasperatedly. Marina moved towards Michael and the boy flew to his feet, tearing out the door before he was aware of his own actions.

"Michael!" he heard people calling after him, but he ran down the corridor and away from them, away from all of his problems and all of the pain and fear. 

He had never run so fast in his life. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the lovely comments! They each make my day just a little brighter.

There was a stabbing pain in Michael's side as he slowed down, coming to a stop on the sidewalk. A few people were staring, but they quickly moved on with the rest of the crowd. 

He felt like he'd been kicked in the chest. He knew his diet had been unhealthy- he'd had constant colds and his cuts took weeks to heal- and he was in no shape to run at all. His breaths were short and he felt panic as he remembered that people would be looking for him.

They would probably lock him up as if he was crazy and take Daisy away. 

Daisy. Oh god, _Daisy_. He'd really fucked it up for her, failed miserably. He'd sacrificed his health, his time, and even his future for her, and it hadn't worked. She'd just ended up in the hospital with one leg instead of two, and now she was going to have to re-learn how to walk. It hadn't even been that long since she learned for the _first_ time. 

He felt like such a fuckup. He was so stupid, to think that he could keep it together. He couldn't even keep _himself_ together. His hair was thinning and his skin was dry from dehydration and all he could wonder was _why?_ What thing in the universe had it out for him _so badly?_ There wasn't really anything left for him. He didn't even have Daisy anymore. 

His heart rate still wasn't slowing down and he began to worry a little, until he decided that it didn't matter. Maybe he'd have a stroke or a heart attack and die. Maybe then the few people he knew would remember the good things about him and then forget him entirely, instead of seeing what a fuckup he was. 

"Michael!"

He knew he'd been spotted and he didn't have the strength to run again anway, so he stood and watched as Calum made his way toward him. 

"Michael, what are you doing?" Calum asked, only slightly out of breath even though he had probably run the same distance that Michael had. "They're looking for you- they need to figure something out."

"Like what?" Michael snapped bitterly, "which crazy house to put me in?"

"That's not what they're discussing," Calum said, eyeing Michael concernedly. Michael could feel how terrible he looked, pale and struggling to breathe.

"I'm not going back."

"Michael, they're really trying to figure out what's best. My aunt told them that they can't separate you and Daisy and they agreed. They're gonna keep you two together."

"But where will we go? My mom-"

Suddenly Michael's breath caught badly and his hand flew to his chest, pushing as if he could open his airway. 

"Cal-"

"Michael, what's wrong?" Calum grasped his shoulder and leaned down to look at him. "Michael! We need to get you back-"

Michael started hyperventilating, his breaths getting short and shorter and his vision tunneling. His legs grew weak and he slid down, his shoulder colliding with the ground before Calum could catch him.

" _Michael!_ Somebody help!"

Then his vision grew black, swallowed up in darkness.

_Am I dying?_

_______

There was a faint light and he wondered vaguely if his vision was going before he realized that his eyes were closed. He forced them open an then winced at the light above him as it pierced his retinas. 

The window to his left was dark and he realized that it was nighttime. There was a lamp on above him and he suddenly noticed that there were three people in the room with him, all asleep- Calum, Ashton, and Luke, to be exact.

He wondered why they were there, Luke especially. He'd only really gotten to know the boy earlier that day- though, was it the same day?

His head was throbbing and he couldn't think straight. His whole body felt heavy and he couldn't lift his arms.

He discovered that the latter was because his wrists were strapped down. Panic started setting in.

"Michael, hey, calm down!" 

It was Ashton, and Michael discovered that he'd been freaking out more than he'd realized. He fought to breathe and whipped his head around to look at Ashton, his eyes wide with panic. 

Ashton stood and grasped his arm gently, setting his other arm over Michael's shoulders. Calum and Luke were waking up but Michael barely noticed.

"Hey, it's okay. I can go get the nurse and maybe they can unstrap your wrists. They were just worried that you'd hurt yourself because you were thrashing out a little while ago." 

The normally carefree boy looked sadly down at Michael's bared wrists, and Michael put that down under his list of _ways Michael Clifford has fucked up_. 

"Michael!" Calum stood up. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," Michael said bluntly. 

"I'll go get the nurse," Ashton said before leaving the room. Luke quietly came to stand next to Calum, watching Michael in concern.

"What hav- what have you been doing?" Michael asked.

"Well Ashton and I sat down and got to know Luke here," Calum said conversationally. "He's okay, I guess."

Luke smiled slightly and Michael felt a little less shitty.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

"Hey, none of that," Calum said firmly. "I know you would do the same for any of us- even though you and Luke have only just met."

Ashton returned with Marina right behind him, and she immediately took off the restraints. Michael pulled his hands to his chest, away from the rails of the bed. 

"How are you feeling?" She asked warmly. 

"A little shitty. Can I go see Daisy?"

"Soon," she promised. "She'll probably be asleep, though. I need you to eat some food. Can you keep any down?"

"I usually had about one meal a day," Michael said quietly. "I can keep it down."

The three boys looked surprised, and Michael wondered what they did and didn't know. 

Marina nodded. "Okay. I brought you some jello. When people don't eat for a while it doesn't matter what you start them off with- they can't keep it down. So it's good that you've been eating _some_ at least." 

When she handed Michael the jello, she had a sad look in her eyes that made Michael want to cry and spill his secrets. He didn't really have any anymore, though. 

"Mr. Jones still needs to talk to you whenever you're up for it."

Michael closed his eyes for a moment. "Okay. I'll, um... soon. I just need a minute."

"Well, I'll let you four talk for a bit." 

She left the room wiping her eyes for some reason, and Michael ate the jello silently. 

"Don't you all need to go home?" Michael asked.

"I'm gonna go home with my aunt," Calum said.

"My mum doesn't really care as long as I'm quiet when I get in the house," Ashton shrugged.

"My mom's here," Luke said. "She's in the waiting room."

"Oh, is she taking you home?" Ashton asked.

"No, she wants to see Michael."

"Why does your mom want to see me?" Michael asked, suddenly curious.

"She's been worried about you since you started her class."

"Your mom...wait."

"Liz Hemmings?" Luke suggested.

"...oh." Michael felt overloaded. "Too much has happened today, I feel like I'm gonna- well, have a mental breakdown."

"It _will_ be okay," Calum said. "We're all your friends, even though Luke only joined today."

Luke actually stuck his tongue out at Calum and Michael almost wanted to smile.

"I'll um...I'll talk to Mr. Jones now."

"I'll tell the nurse," Luke said quietly. Calum patted Michael's shoulder reassuringly, giving him a mysterious smile. 

_______

"We have a few options that we'll allow you to choose from," Jones informed Michael. "Daisy has essentially said she wants to do anything that will keep you two together, and we all agree that that would be best."

"What are my options?" Michael asked.

"First of all, we could dig around for a random foster family and hope someone is willing to take the both of you. Second, we could split you and Daisy up if you really want to for some reason and find you separate families. You also have the option of staying with your mom, but we advise against it and Daisy definitely cannot."

"Is that all?" Michael asked, his heart sinking even though it was better than he should have expected. 

"We've had an offer for a foster parent that lives very near here. She's willing to take both you and Daisy and will allow you to visit your mom if you want to. We did some quick digging and she makes enough money to support you, and has a clean record."

"What's her name?" Michael asked tentatively.

"Marina Hood, your friend's aunt. I understand that she has also been your nurse here in the hospital?"

Michaels vision blurred a bit and he realized that he was tearing up. Marina was being so kind even though she'd already done so much.

"Yeah," he said softly. "She has. And I want to go with that option."

"Are you sure? Because we can give you time to think it over."

"No, I'm sure. I want to stay here, be near Daisy, and see my mom. I didn't- I didn't think that I'd be able to."

"You'll have to see a psychiatrist," Jones said. "And you'll be coming back to the hospital regularly so they can work on regaining your health. They told me that you're in pretty bad shape after not eating or sleeping enough, and you'll have to agree to work on it."

"That's fine. I'll do it."

"Then it's basically settled. We'll work out the extra details, and by the time you're discharged, you'll be heading to Marina's house."

"Thank you," Michael said, trying not to feel bitter with the words. This was what was best for Daisy.

"You're welcome, Michael. I know it's not easy, especially because there's no really anyone to blame, but it'll sort out. It's working out well already."

Michael hoped so, hoped that everything would smooth over. Maybe he could salvage his education and health and still have a future, now that Daisy would be taken care of.

But the accident was still something he would never forgive himself for.


	8. Chapter 8

"Is there a y?" Michael asked, frowning at the paper in front of him. 

"Nope," Luke giggled.

The two of them were in Michael's hospital bed, Luke curled up next to Michael and leaning against his pillow. Their shoulders touched as Luke reached down to draw an arm on the stick figure.

"I suck at hangman!" Michael whined. 

"No you don't," Luke said, "you just need to think it through instead of spitting out letters."

Michael grinned at that. It had been several days since Daisy's accident, and both he and Daisy were still in the hospital. Daisy was working on walking with her new prosthetic and the doctors were watching for infection. Michael was under surveillance for a little while longer for psych evaluation and so that they could try to correct his eating times. It was hard and boring and he couldn't fall asleep in the hospital, but Ashton, Calum, and Luke all visited- sometimes separately and sometimes together- and he was spending a lot of time with them that he found himself enjoying. 

He didn't really want to admit it, but he enjoyed his time with Luke the most. Sometimes Luke came with Ashton and Calum and sometimes he came with his mom, but Michael liked it best when he came alone. They would curl up on Michael's bed and talk or watch tv or play games together. 

Luke was always so very careful of Michael's fluid IV and the cuts on his arms, but it wasn't in a way that made Michael feel belittled, it was in a way that made him feel like he was being taken care of. He'd spent so much time taking care of others that it felt foreign to be taken care of. And he liked it.  

It was difficult to have his problems out in the open, though. The future was still very uncertain and Michael hadn't been allowed to see his mom yet, for some reason.

"Is there...a c?"

"Yup." Luke drew a c in and crossed it out from the wobbly alphabet line he'd written at the top of the page. Michael thought it was cute.

"Wait." Michael craned his neck and stared at the piece of paper. "Does it say... _fluorescent?_ "

"Hey!" Luke poked his shoulder with the pencil. "You have to say all the letters, not guess the word!"

Michael laughed and Luke's face split into a wide smile at the sound. 

"Is it my turn?" Michael asked him.

The door suddenly opened and Marina stepped into the room. Her face was serious as Michael felt a pang of fear.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice bordering on tremulous. Luke was silent next to him. 

"Mr. Jones needs to speak with you. He's in Daisy's room."

"Okay..." Michael sat up, weakly swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. Marina stood next to the IV cart and made sure that it was ready for him to move before he leaned on it, still weak from malnutrition. Luke took his elbow gently and helped guide him out of the room. 

They were worried about his heart, Michael knew, and he felt a little bitter about bit still. He'd done all of it for nothing.

He felt grateful for Marina, though, something he remembered as she smiled weakly at him before heading down the corridor. He and Daisy were gonna be okay. Daisy was adapting really well and they would still see their mom. Michael could think about trying to scrape his grades back up and get into college.

When they reached Daisy's door, Jones stepped out and shut it behind him. 

"Oh, Michael," he said tiredly. "I was coming to see you so you wouldn't have to make the trip. Let's go sit down for a moment."

Marina went into Daisy's room and Luke followed with Michael, still supporting him.

"I need to speak with Michael alone," Jones told Luke. 

"But-"

"It's okay, Michael. I'll go stand over there and you let me know when you're done," Luke told him. "Then we might as well visit Daisy while we're here, right?" 

Michael nodded and Luke smiled widely before leaving.

"He your boyfriend?" Jones asked, not unkindly.

"No," Michael said, fiddling with his IV."

"Well, I like him. He knows boundaries."

Michael could tell that Jones was stalling, and that only made him more anxious.

"Why did you need to speak with me?" He asked the man. 

Jones sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I haven't told Daisy because I think she'll want to hear it from you. Your mom- she's gone. She left a few days ago, and made it clear that she doesn't want to be involved with you two anymore."

Michael's world narrowed down to those two words- _she's gone_. His hands began to shake and his throat suddenly felt dry.

"But- why?" He choked out, his voice hoarse. "She abandoned us?"

Jones was overflowing with genuine sympathy but Michael barely caught what he was saying. 

"-loves you too much...hard to see someone else raise her kids..."

He'd done this to them. If he hadn't taken the extra shift at work he would have been watching Daisy. Daisy would still have both legs, his mom would still be around, and Michael...well, he'd be back to dying.

The doctors had told him that a few more years it even months of the way he was living and eating would have killed him. And it would have been for the best.

"-chael? Michael, please-"

It was Luke. Michael's attention snapped back to reality and he realized that Jones was gone, replaced by Luke. Michael also realized that there were tears on his own face.

"My mom," he choked out with a sob, "she left."

Luke's expression softened and he moved from the chair to kneel in front of Michael. Michael gripped one of his hands tightly.

"It sounds like she really loved you two," Luke said softly. "Too much to see you and not always be there."

"But isn't even a little time enough?" Michael cried. "If she really loved us, wouldn't even face minutes be worth staying?"

"Not if she didn't trust herself, Michael. Marina told me that she was blaming herself. She probably thinks that you and Daisy are angry with her."

"But it's all my fault," Michael said weakly. "I couldn't keep it together for us."

"Michael!" Luke frowned. "You did all that was humanly possible- more, it seems. It's time to let go and just realize that you sacrificed a lot and it just didn't work out. Now you should focus on rebuilding your life and helping Daisy, right? You've still got Daisy. You've got Calum and Ashton and me, and now you have Marina looking after you."

Michael fell silent and Luke sighed. 

"I'll help you into Daisy's room. Do you want me to stay there while you tell her, or leave?"

"Stay, please," Michael said hoarsely, and Luke nodded. 

"Okay," he said, helping Michael get to his feet. "I'll stay."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of chapters recently! Life has been crazy. A friend of mine met a guy and they're not dating yet because they're serious about it and have stuff to figure out first, but no one will leave them alone. So I'm trying to be supportive of them without pressuring them into a relationship.
> 
> I'm also selfish and jealous because I want what they have and are going to have. They work together so well and they're both people I enjoy being around and it feels like I'll never have anything like that :/ anyway, whiny rant session over. Enjoy the chapter!

Michael lost track of days.

Daisy was doing well. Her prosthetic leg was fascinating to her, and Marina had suggested biomedical engineering as a possible career someday. Michael knew that Daisy was smart enough.

He was back in school. There was a therapy session every Thursday afterwards and he hadn't gone to any of them. He'd left the building after Marina dropped him off and just wandered, finding his way back before she picked him up.

Everyone stared at him. He was thin, his arms were bandaged, and he had a lot bruising because bruises and cuts took weeks longer to heal and less effort to make. They been giving him melatonin, but his sleep had been plagued by nightmares. He'd stopped taking it. He'd stopped taking his escitalopram, too. Anti-depressants  bogged him down, added to the exhaustion from lack of sleep and nutrition. He didn't feel like eating anymore, either. 

Calum visited frequently. He and Ashton were hanging out a lot and the two would often come see Michael together, talking about the random, crazy stuff that normal teenagers discuss with each other. Daisy loved them, but nothing matched her love for Luke.

Luke visited nearly every day, always stopping by Daisy's room for a quick greeting before going to see Michael. He and Michael didn't talk a lot, mostly just playing video games or sitting in silence, studying each other. It was when Michael felt best.

He hadn't come that day, though,  and Michael knew it was terrible to rely on someone that much, but he couldn't help it. The sky just seemed to get darker and darker and the air began to feel like it was pushing down, trying to compress him. 

It was a Thursday, and he wandered away from the building Marina dropped him off at and headed down the sidewalk. He wasn't quite sure where he was going. He felt a sense of purpose, but he hadn't gotten to know the area well enough to know where he was going.

He ended up at a bridge, cement that felt firm beneath his shoes and proudly arched over slowly running water. It was far, far below- the water. It seemed almost...inviting.

With a harsh skidding sound, Michael dragged one foot forward. His other foot picked up and followed more quietly, and soon he was at the edge, the front of his shoes bumping the railing. Before he knew what was happening, he had gripped the railing with weak, shaking hands and climbed over. His arms shook also as he leaned out, head bending forward over the water.

Then he panicked. It was a cold, seeping feeling before he felt like he'd been slammed in the chest. 

"Oh my god," he whispered without thinking, staring down. The water that had seemed so inviting a moment ago now seemed harsh, a few jagged rocks glaring up at him.

His arms almost gave out as he pulled himself back and clung to the railing, holding on desperately. It was a few minutes before he trusted his arms enough to climb back over the railing. Once over, he collapsed in a heap on the pavement. His breathing was ragged, as if he had run a race, and he felt a panic attack coming on.

"Oh my god, oh my god..."

What had he come so close to doing? Was he really...suicidal?

He could never tell anyone. It was probably a one time thing, but if anyone found out, they might lock him up. And what would life be worth living?

What was life worth living at the moment?

He shook the thought from his head and pulled himself up, standing on shaking legs. He refused to look at the water, instead staring at the road ahead. 

He was still shaking when Marina picked him up.

_______

"I worry, you know," Luke said, setting his hands in his lap. "I haven't even known you for that long, but- well, I worry."

"Why?" Michael asked him, leaning against the headboard and shaking his hair into his eyes to hide his expression.

Luke sighed and brushed the hair away from Michael's face with gentle fingers. "The list of reasons why I don't worry would be shorter."

"I'm fine."

"Michael. You're obviously _not_ fine," Luke told him, dropping his hand from Michael's face to take one of his wrists in both hands. Michael's wrists were still bandaged up, and Luke ran his fingers over the gauze, a sad smile on his face. "I don't know why I feel so invested in all of this. I don't know why I noticed how you've changed since the first few days at the hospital. I don't understand anything that's happened recently, but I want to be here for you, to help you."

"You don't have to," Michael mumbled. 

"I know," Luke said simply. "But I want to."

A heavy silence fell and Michael looked down at his hands, feeling Luke's gaze on his face.

"Your psychiatrist called a few times," Luke said finally. "Marina knows you're skipping your sessions."

Michael wasn't quite sure what to say, so he sat there silently. Luke looked so concerned and it only made the guilt worse.

"Michael, please...talk to me. I feel so helpless- this whole situation is driving me crazy because there's nothing I can do, and I may not have known you before, but I can see you closing off...and it's hard. If you don't want to talk to me then talk to _someone_. Talk to Calum or Ashton or Marina."

Michael hesitated. "I've always been the one to care for others," he said. "I'm not used to- to sharing how I feel or what I think. I'm not really even used to being able to think because I worked so much. It's hard for me to...artculate."

"I get it, Michael, but you need to talk anyway. It doesn't even have to be articulate, but you need to say how you feel out loud."

Luke scooted next to Michael and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. The motion comforted Michael. 

"I don't really sleep," Michael started slowly. "Whenever I do, I have nightmares and I don't wake up feeling better. I feel worse sometimes. The doctors keep fiddling with my dosage, but they haven't figured it out yet. I'm still having trouble eating three meals a day and my vision blurs sometimes. I get dizzy and any injuries won't heal, like my arms."

Luke sighed. "How are you mentally? Emotionally?"

Michael hesitated again. "I...guilty. I feel guilty all of the time."

"Guilty over what?" Luke asked gently.

"It's like everything was my fault. If I hadn't taken that shift at work then I would have been there to watch Daisy and she'd still have both of her legs, she'd still have her- her mom. And my mom had to work so hard to keep us safe but it was all for nothing because of me. Without me- my dad- it would just be my parents and Daisy." Michael took a shuddering breath, willing away he tears in his eyes. "All I've done is fuck up Daisy's life. Without me around she'll be better off." 

"Where are you planning on going?" Luke asked.

"What?"

"You said 'without me around she'll be better off.'"

Michael cursed inwardly. "She _would have_ been."

"Michael, is that really what you meant?" Luke asked in a trembling voice. Michael pulled back, shifting away from Luke.

"Yeah, I..."

Luke's face was pale and he looked completely unconvinced. Michael's voice faltered. 

"Michael, what did you _actually_ mean?" 

"I...I don't know," Michael said truthfully. He was confused, unsure as to how he felt.

Luke reached out and grasped Michael's arm firmly. "What's the vague idea in your head, then?"

"I don't know, I'm just worried that I'll fuck up Daisy's life even more- I don't want-"

"What _do_ you want?" 

"I don't want to be here anymore!" Michael finally cried. "I don't know where I want to be and I don't care. I just want to be...gone."

Luke was very still but his grip on Michael's arm was crushing as he stared at the other boy. 

"Michael..." he said, though it came out more of a whisper.

"I need to go." 

Michael struggled to pull his wrist from Luke's grasp and Luke shot to his feet.

"No, you're staying right here until we figure this out-"

"Let me go!"

"No! I don't want you to run off and do something stupid that will hurt everyone else!" Luke cried.

"Let go!"

With one last tug, Michael pulled his wrist free.

"Don't you dare leave, Michael Clifford!"

Michael ignored Luke's words,  instead turning and running out the door. He heard Luke behind him as he flew down the stairs and tore the front door open.

"Michael, please!"

His heart had already been racing, and he was struggling to breathe as he ran down the sidewalk. He could barely see where he was going and it wasn't long before he ran into someone head-first, crashing to the ground.

"Michael?" 

It was Calum. Michael shot to his feet but the other boy grabbed his arm.

"Calum, don't let him go!"

Luke ran toward them as Michael struggled to break free. Calum unquestioningly wrapped both arms around Michael and held him back. He was stronger, and Michael fought without his heart in it, tears streaming down his face.

Luke skidded up and threw his arms around Michael, enveloping him in a hug that forced Calum to let go.

"Fuck you," Michael sobbed. "I hate you so much."

"No you don't," Luke said as Michael struggled in his arms. Michael gave up and collapsed, glad that no one was around as he dropped out of Luke's arms and curled up on the sidewalk. 

"What's wrong?" he heard Calum ask in a hushed voice. He blocked out Luke's reply and hugged his knees to his chest, staring sightlessly at the sky and feeling the tears dry on his face.

Why had he told Luke? Why had he been so _stupid_?

" _Michael!_ " Calum grasped his arms and pulled him into a sitting position. "You're a fucking idiot!"

"Why don't you call Marina?" Luke suggested. Calum gave Michael a long look and then nodded, standing up and walking a ways off.

Michael tugged at the gauze on his wrists, staring longingly at them.

"Don't you dare," Luke hissed at him. "Don't you fucking dare. If you do anything more to yourself I will never forgive you and I'll never forgive myself. Don't you-" his voice caught and suddenly he pulled Michael forward with a jerk, kissing him roughly on the mouth. "Don't you dare."

Michael stared at Luke with his jaw slack, fingers lightly touching his lips. Luke glared at him furiously. 

"I...um." Calum cleared his throat. "Marina's coming. She's gonna- she's made an extra appointment with your psychiatrist and she says she's seeing you into his office personally."

Michael rested his elbows on his bent knees and put his face in his hands.

"I can't- I don't want to talk to someone I don't know-"

Luke helped him to his feet and pulled him into a tight hug. "You'll be fine, Michael. Just say what you can and tell him if there's anything you just can't talk about yet. And please- promise you won't do anything stupid."

"Luke..."

"Promise. At least- at least until the next time I see you."

"I-" Michael's mouth felt dry. "I promise. At least until the next time I see you."

Luke smiled weakly at him. 

"I'll hold you to that."

He swiftly kissed him on the cheek and then turned and left, heading back to his house. Michael watched his hunched shoulders for a moment before Calum punched him in the arm.

"Next time you promise him longer than that. And by that I mean you promise 'never.'"

His glare had no heat in it but Michael knew that he was serious.

"I'm sorry."

"Look, Michael, when it comes to you, me, Luke, and Ash, it doesn't matter who is the youngest. We're all gonna take care of you. So shut up and deal with it."

There was a faint smile on Michael's face as Calum dragged him back to the house. 

Faint, but still there. 


	10. Chapter 10

"They threatened to put me on suicide watch," Michael said the next night. Luke had somehow managed to climb into his window and was looking at him in concern and expectation.

"Why didn't they?" he asked Michael, walking over to where the other boy was sitting with his leg over the side of the bed.

"I told my psychiatrist what I promised you. He seems to think it will change things."

Luke sat down next to Michael and gently touched his wrist, rubbing softly. 

"Will it?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know," Michael said. "I...my head is too full. I can't organize my thoughts and it's so overwhelming. Everything feels like it's just piled on top of me, like-"

"You've got the weight of the world on your shoulders?"

"Yes. I don't know what to do anymore."

Luke leaned his head on Michael's shoulder and sighed quietly. "First of all, you should try to keep your mind occupied with one thing at a a time."

"I can't," Michael told him. "There's- there's too much. It gets all-"

Luke bit his lip and then suddenly leaned in, kissing Michael again. Michael stilled completely, and when Luke pulled away, he looked  confused.

"Why- why did you do that?"

"Are there too many thoughts?"

"No." Michael frowned. "I'm just thinking about-"

"What?"

"You?"

Luke smiled slightly in the darkness. "I was sort of hoping for that."

"But why did you do it?" Michael repeated. 

"I like you. A lot. And I'm tired of seeing you putting yourself down and...well, getting hurt. I don't know exactly- I just wanted to show you that I care."

Michaels cheeks flushed slightly and he looked down.

"That's ridiculous."

"What?" Luke looked confused.

"I'm a wreck, Luke," Michael said with a slight laugh that was far from happy. "Look." He held up his wrists.

"Michael, I don't care," Luke told him, his eyes sincere.

Michael sighed in frustration and then suddenly, before Luke could stop him, ripped the tape off the gauze and dropped the dressing to the floor. There were blue stitches sticking messily out of his skin where he'd cut himself a little deeply after Daisy's accident, and Luke couldn't stop the surprised inhale.

Michael smiled bitterly. "There's more on the other arm too."

Luke reached out and gently touched several of the cuts, breathing in a shuddering breath.

"I'm not disgusted," he said. "I'm- I'm sorry, I'm hurt for you. But I'm not disgusted."

Michael stared at him. "You're crazy, then."

"Yeah, probably a little," Luke shrugged, and Michael snorted. His eyes were a bit shiny, though, and Luke laced their fingers together in an attempt to comfort him. "So all that's left to know is how you stand."

"What?" Michael asked, raising his eyebrows in confusion.

"Well, just because I like you doesn't mean that you like me," Luke said simply.

Michael stared at him again. "You really are crazy. I think I've liked you since you first walked into the coffeeshop." 

Lukes smile was blinding. "That's settled then. Now let's fix up our arm- do you have a first aid kit around here? I just need gauze and tape."

Later, when they were curled up under Michael's blankets, Michael found himself smiling contentedly.

_______

"Daisy, you're doing so well!" Michael cheered as Daisy took several faltering steps and then collapsed in his lap. 

She giggled and used her arms to pull herself into a sitting position.

"Karl said that my arms are really strong!" Daisy said excitedly. Michael grinned at Daisy's physiotherapist and the man gave him a thumbs up. 

"Well, did you want to try to walk to the door? I'll hold your hand."

"Yeah!" Daisy leaned down and adjusted a strap on her prosthetic before carefully pushing herself onto the floor.

"Luke's here," Michael told her, pointing at the boy standing in the doorway. Daisy waved frantically and then took a few steps.

"Woah, careful Daisy," Luke called. "You're gonna be faster than all of us soon." 

Daisy giggled and took Michael's hand, making her way across the room and chattering excitedly. 

"Is Ashton coming today? Calum always pouts when he's not around."

"Sappiest couple ever," Luke mused, taking Daisy's other hand. "I would have thought they'd be more on the goofy side."

"Nah, that's us," Michael said, giving Luke a silly grin over Daisy's head.

"You're all mushy." Daisy wrinkled up her nose.

"You tired, Jitterbug?" Michael asked as they exited the building and got to the sidewalk.

"How about you carry me and then I'll walk for Aunt Marina when she gets home from work," Daisy said. 

"That sounds good," Michael agreed. "Come on." 

He picked her up and Luke immediately started tickling her, grinning at Michael when Daisy giggled hysterically and nearly fell out of his arms.

"Luke! I'm ticklish!"

"I know," Luke said, waggling his eyebrows at her. "So is Michael."

"Don't scar the child," Ashton said behind them, and Daisy cheered.

"Calum won't pout today!"

"If he tries I'll just pinch his butt," Ashton told her. Luke cupped his hands over Daisy's ears and glared at Ashton. 

"Hey, you're talking to a seven year old."

"Onward!" Daisy ordered, pointing forward. The three boys rolled their eyes but obeyed, laughing and talking the whole way home.

_______

_Three years later-_

"I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to someone very special to me," Michael told the screaming crowd. The screaming intensified, if that was possible.

"We all would," Calum added.

"Yeah, well...me the most," Michael joked. "Anyway, she's gonna come up here and meet you all because she hasn't yet. So, happy birthday, Daisy!"

Daisy came on stage, grinning madly and running like she'd never been in the accident. Michael picked her up and the crowd screamed louder.

"You're ten years old, now," Ashton commented from behind his drumset. Luke started fake crying into his mic and Daisy giggled.

Michael pulled his mic off the stand and handed it to Daisy. 

"What do you want to say to the fans?" he asked.

"Thank you for making my brother better," she said, and the crowd aw'd. "He's happy now."

"Well, that's Luke's fault," Michael said, ad Luke came over to scoop Michael and Daisy into a hug. The crowd cooed again and Michael rolled his eyes.

"Come off it, ya saps," Ashton teased the crowd. 

"Well, it's all true," Michael said. "So thank you Luke, and thank you to all of our fans."

"Say goodbye," Luke told Daisy.

"Bye fans!" Daisy cheered into the microphone.

"Love you, Jitterbug," Michael said.


End file.
